


Perfect Grace

by markwatnae (bertie)



Series: Alpenglow [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, M/M, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6055525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertie/pseuds/markwatnae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once Obi-Wan has been knighted and his braid cut, he and Qui-Gon form a new bond: a life-bond.<br/>This is simply the beginning of their next adventure together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfect Grace

**Author's Note:**

> I am a huge supporter of the "everyone lives" AU. And also the "Jedi can form attachments, but must be able to let them go if necessary" AU.

Their relationship began just a year before Obi-Wan’s knighting ceremony.

They were returning to Coruscant from an exhausting mission on Alderaan and their transport was relatively cramped. On a hard bench, they sat with their bodies pressed close together from shoulder to hip to knee. When Qui-Gon realized how exhausted Obi-Wan was, he coaxed him into resting his head on his shoulder. As Obi-Wan slept, his hands twitched in his lap and he whimpered softly. Qui-Gon soothed him, gently taking one of his hands into his own. He sent a small pulse of _you’re safe, it’s all right_ across their training bond and Obi-Wan calmed almost instantly.

Obi-Wan woke when it was still late at night and when he looked up at Qui-Gon, his eyes were tired but his smile was sweet. He curled closer, tucking his head under Qui-Gon’s chin, and his master didn’t deny him.

“What’s gotten in to you?” Qui-Gon teased him.

“I like being close to you is all,” Obi-Wan answered softly, his true emotions flowing easily across their bond.

_Your presence is comforting, and I find myself missing your touch._

Qui-Gon hoped he hadn’t been neglecting him. Despite Obi-Wan’s age, it was natural for all living things to need love and affection to thrive.

_You haven’t neglected me; I promise…_

He could feel Obi-Wan slipping again, drifting closer to sleep as the moments passed.

_Sleep, Padawan. I will watch over you._

That was all it took and Obi-Wan was dozing against his chest once again. Qui-Gon found that he was a welcome weight pressed to his side, assuring him he was well and catching up on much-needed sleep.

They arrived back at the Temple, and after they had given their report to the Council, they were both clean and waiting for their food to finish heating when Obi-Wan asked to speak with him. He tucked himself into the corner of the couch, looking far more nervous than Qui-Gon was comfortable with.

His grey-blue eyes flickered between Qui-Gon’s face and his own hands and the wall as he forced out his words.

“I love you,” he paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “But not sexually. I don’t think I’m capable of finding anyone sexually attractive, to be honest. Every relationship I’ve ever tried to have always failed once it was obvious I wasn’t attracted to them in that way, so I finally stopped trying. It wasn’t until a year or two ago that I realized I loved you, but I was scared to come to you in case you turned me away for the same reason everyone else has. I know there are no rules against us having a relationship because I’m an adult and soon to be knighted, but even if there were I wouldn’t care. You’re the kindest man I’ve ever met and I can only hope to be half that when I’m a Knight.”

His voice started to shake.

“On our way home from Alderaan, something told me that it was time to tell you how I felt. Maybe it was the Force. I was so scared you would push me away when I moved closer, but you didn’t. I started to feel guilty, stealing affection from you without telling you why, so I had to explain myself. I understand if you don’t feel the same, I don’t expect you to, and there’s only one more year until you’ll be rid of me—”

“Don’t ever say that, Obi-Wan.”

His eyes widened. “Say what?”

“That I’ll be rid of you. If I had my way, you’d never become a Knight simply so I could keep you at my side.”

Now a smile was tugging at his lips, but he still looked resigned to a rejection. Qui-Gon moved closer to him, hating that he seemed so scared. He carefully slipped his hand into one of Obi-Wan’s, holding it firmly.

“Obi-Wan, you are wise beyond your years and I pity all of the individuals who turned you away simply because you would not fall into bed with them. Your smile could rival both the suns on Tatooine, and I find myself speechless when it is turned on me. You are intelligent and quick-witted, and I am constantly amazed at your skills with a lightsaber. I would be honored to have you in my life even after you are knighted. The physical aspect of a relationship is important, but it is not necessary to have a beautiful, fulfilling life with someone. It is not something I require to love another.”

He barely had time to register the joy on Obi-Wan’s face before he was in his lap, clinging to him like a vice. He wrapped his arms around him and simply held him close, not drawing attention to the dampness he felt against his neck. When the timer in the kitchen chimed, he ignored it. His hands moved slowly, soothingly as he rubbed Obi-Wan’s back, offering any comfort he could.

“Are you all right?” He asked after a few moments, concerned for his Padawan since he had not loosened his grip at all.

“Yes,” he said, breathless and almost disbelieving. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“There is no reason to thank me. It is a privilege to simply hold you and know that you are content.”

Obi-Wan’s breath left him in a shudder, like he still wasn’t able to understand how someone could love him. All of his past lovers had done him a great disservice and Qui-Gon would stop at nothing to repair what they had damaged.

“Are you hungry?” He stroked Obi-Wan’s hair, reveling in the softness of the still damp strands.

“Yes.” _But I don’t want to move._

“We can eat right here, if you wish.” For safe measure, only half teasing, he added, “And I assure you that you are not dreaming. I will still be here when you open your eyes, and I will not love you any less.”

When Obi-Wan looked up at him, his eyes were red and his cheeks were blotchy, but Qui-Gon still thought him beautiful.

“That’s better,” he murmured, wiping at the remaining tears with the sleeve of his tunic. “I’ll retrieve our plates if you will sit right here and try to calm down.”

Obi-Wan nodded, sniffling and scrubbing at his eyes with his knuckles.

“That was not an order, Obi-Wan. I only want you to be calm enough to eat.”

“I understand,” he replied, taking a deep breath.

Qui-Gon shifted Obi-Wan off his lap and onto the couch before getting their dinner. They ate in comfortable silence, Obi-Wan leaning against Qui-Gon’s side. When they finished, Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan up from the couch and guided him toward their bedrooms. He bypassed Obi-Wan’s smaller room and led him into his own.

“You’re exhausted; I can feel it rolling off you in waves,” he said, pushing Obi-Wan toward his bed.

He knew he was right when Obi-Wan didn’t protest and simply crawled under the sheets. They had slept in the same bed more times than they had slept separately, but now Obi-Wan could nuzzle into Qui-Gon’s arms without any reservations. He took full advantage of this fact and curled up against his chest with a happy sigh.

They spent the next morning exploring their new relationship, talking and touching and finding their boundaries. Qui-Gon was delighted to discover that Obi-Wan was ticklish if his neck was kissed in just the right spot. But he was not happy that Obi-Wan easily picked out his own sensitive places. He melted when Obi-Wan slipped his fingers into his hair, stroking them over his scalp. Obi-Wan kissed his jaw, and Qui-Gon couldn’t help the soft noise he made when he pressed another kiss to the soft spot behind his ear.

—x—

Now, hours before Obi-Wan’s knighting ceremony, Qui-Gon is re-braiding the lock of hair that has hung behind his Padawan’s ear for almost twelve years. He slips the bright blue bead he gave to Obi-Wan for his sixteenth birthday into the braid and continues to the end before tying it off. He leans forward and presses his lips to the soft, clean skin of Obi-Wan’s shoulder where his braid rests. He leaves a trail of kisses up that tender throat to the strong jaw and feels Obi-Wan smile. He brings his hands up to cradle his face gently, stroking his thumbs over his cheeks. He’s struck by the beauty of the man in front of him, the curve of his smile and the stormy blue color of his eyes as they look up at him full of love and trust.

“You will be an incredible Knight. I cannot wait to see you flourish,” he murmurs, and he smiles at the reaction it elicits from him.

Obi-Wan’s cheeks turn pink and his eyes flicker away as he smiles, drawing one shoulder up. He is formidable at accepting praise from the Council or others outside the Temple, but when it is Qui-Gon alone his body betrays him. He looks up at him through his lashes, going easily when Qui-Gon draws him in for a kiss.

When they part, Obi-Wan is smiling brightly. “I can’t decide if I’m more excited for my knighting or for tonight.”

Qui-Gon laughs, unable to contain his own emotion. “I find myself unable to choose one either.”

The council hadn’t had a case of a master and padawan desiring a relationship for a long time, and since there are no written, official rules they made their own tentative ones. They were required to stay un-bonded save for their training bond until after Obi-Wan’s knighting. But after he is knighted, they are free to do as they see fit. Qui-Gon had been hesitant to lock Obi-Wan into a life-bond so young, but he was adamant that he is able to choose his partner for himself. A life-bond will allow them to know exactly what the other is thinking and feeling unless they are shielding.

Many believed life-bonds were only able to be created through physical intimacy. Obi-Wan had been upset but resigned upon discovery of this information, and told Qui-Gon he would be intimate with him if it was necessary for them to create their bond. Qui-Gon had rejected the possibility outright, assuring Obi-Wan he would not have to hurt himself for the sake of their relationship. Obi-Wan spent days in the Archives and Qui-Gon went to Yoda, asking for his knowledge and his secrecy. Yoda mentioned another path to a life-bond and Obi-Wan found the information in the Archives, tears of relief escaping once he was back in their quarters.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan both being well-trained Jedi eases the process, but they have both confessed to feeling nervous as if it were their wedding night.

They finish dressing for the ceremony, wearing their nicest sets of tunics, and Qui-Gon triples checks to be sure he has his lightsaber attached to his belt.

When he cuts Obi-Wan’s braid, Qui-Gon has to swallow back the tears that threaten to show. He smiles proudly at the young man who stole his heart all those years ago, amazed at how far Obi-Wan has come. He dwells momentarily on the possibility of him having never chosen another Padawan after Xanatos, but quickly dismisses the thought. Today is all about Obi-Wan and relishing in their past, present, and very bright future together.

—x—

Qui-Gon sits on their bed with Obi-Wan between his legs, Obi-Wan’s back to his chest, and remembers meditating like this with him shortly after they chose each other. His Padawan had been struggling to quiet his mind so Qui-Gon guided him into the meditation through their bond. The closeness had helped him succeed in keeping his focus and Qui-Gon had enjoyed having him there, a warm reminder that he had another chance to help a boy grow into a man.

But now Obi-Wan is trembling, his skin clammy with sweat, as Qui-Gon delves into the deep recesses of his mind. It is a completely different kind of intimacy. He considers drawing back to allow Obi-Wan to rest, but then his consciousness is pulled closer by Obi-Wan’s, encouraging him to continue.

Once he has made the necessary connections, Qui-Gon slowly coaxes Obi-Wan into his own mind, helping him through the same process. He shivers when he feels Obi-Wan successfully bind himself to his thoughts, physical perceptions, and emotions. As the moments pass, their bond strengthens until it is a thick rope of woven blue and green light. Where their minds meet, however, the bond is a bright, sunny yellow that extends tendrils out in both directions. The sensation of Obi-Wan caressing the bond, testing its hold and simply admiring it, is far beyond any possible description. When it does it himself, he feels and hears Obi-Wan’s gasp.

Qui-Gon eases them out of the trance, careful not to disturb the bond or shock them by moving too quickly. Obi-Wan is crying when they come back to themselves, breath hitching sharply and tears slipping down his cheeks to his neck.

“Obi-Wan,” he says, softly and slowly as not to startle him. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” he sobs, continuing to sit perfectly still except for the way his chest seizes with each breath.

Some of his tears drip off his jaw and land on their hands where they’re intertwined in Obi-Wan’s lap.

“Why can’t I stop?” He asks, his voice breaking.

“It is one of the possible effects of a new life-bond. Having each of your emotions touched by someone will sometimes bring forth feelings of being overwhelmed. It shouldn’t last much longer. Just know that you are loved and I am here with you.”

After several long minutes pass, his sobs taper off to watery hiccups and the remnants of his tears are salty tracks down his cheeks. His breathing calms, but he still shakes, gripping Qui-Gon’s hands tightly.

“Lean against me, love,” Qui-Gon says, easing Obi-Wan back to rest against his chest.

His skin is cold where it is damp with sweat, but his shivering slows to a stop as he relaxes. Physical contact after a life-bond is necessary until it stabilizes, and Obi-Wan seems happy to comply.

“Would you like to lie down to rest?” Qui-Gon asks him.

Obi-Wan nods slightly before carefully shifting to lie on his side. Qui-Gon curls himself around Obi-Wan’s frame, resting his arm over his waist to hold his hand.

Qui-Gon strokes his thumb over Obi-Wan’s knuckles. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a bantha trampled me but I could fight every Sith myself,” Obi-Wan says, and they laugh.

“Hopefully you’ll begin to feel better soon,” he says, pressing his mouth to the juncture of Obi-Wan’s neck and shoulder.

The shallow intake of breath makes him pause.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes,” comes his breathless reply. “Do that again.”

He complies, and Obi-Wan gasps again.

“That feels incredible. Now I understand why everyone makes love to form a life-bond.”

Qui-Gon fears the sensations will cloud his mind.

“Do not make any decisions while the bond is still fresh,” he soothes, pressing his hand flat against his belly. “My love for you will not change.”

Obi-Wan holds onto his hand tightly. “I love you.”

“And I love you.” He nuzzles against the spot where his Padawan braid had been twelve hours before. “I miss it already.”

“So do I,” Obi-Wan murmurs. “I keep reaching up to touch it only to find it gone.”

“What are you thinking about doing with your hair?” Qui-Gon strokes his fingers through the short locks.

“I’m going to let it grow and see how I like it. Who knows, maybe I’ll grow it out to be as long as yours.”

He grins at Qui-Gon over his shoulder and Qui-Gon laughs. “You would look very handsome.”

Obi-Wan shifts backwards to press even closer to Qui-Gon, sighing heavily. After several long moments of silence, Qui-Gon realizes Obi-Wan has fallen asleep. His dreams filter across the bond, but they are half-formed and mostly events of the past day. He smiles when he feels love and pride flood him as Obi-Wan dreams of his braid being cut. Qui-Gon will miss being asked to braid the hair for Obi-Wan. They had used the time to speak freely and comfortably about everything.

It is late into the night and Qui-Gon would like to sleep, but he wants to watch over Obi-Wan. The texts they found had listed many different reactions to life-bonds, and Obi-Wan hasn’t shown any signs that are worrisome, but he is still concerned. He holds him close and listens to his breathing, slow and even and peaceful, until he dozes off as well.

The next morning brings sun shining through the curtains, spilling across the floor like yellow paint. Obi-Wan is all smiles, his grey-blue eyes studying his face intently.

“Good morning,” he purrs, and Qui-Gon feels his entire body fill with warmth.

“Good morning,” he echoes, leaning in to kiss him softly.

With the sensation enhanced through their bond, Obi-Wan gasps into his mouth and Qui-Gon takes advantage of his parted lips. He drinks in Obi-Wan’s soft keening noises, resting his hand on the curve of his hip. Obi-Wan traces his tongue along Qui-Gon’s teeth, sending a shiver cascading down his master’s spine, and he smiles into the kiss, proud of himself.

“We could move to the kitchen and have some breakfast,” Qui-Gon suggests, leaving a few more kisses scattered across Obi-Wan’s face.

Obi-Wan catches his mouth in another kiss before releasing him. “That sounds perfect.”

They both pull on their under-tunics after they climb out of bed and then pad through their living room to the kitchen. While thick slices of bread are toasting, Qui-Gon holds pieces of fruit up for Obi-Wan to eat. Obi-Wan bites at his fingers, smiling around the melon and berries. It had been far too long since Qui-Gon saw him this happy and content, and his heart swells with the love he feels for him in that moment.

“Will you let me braid your hair today?” Obi-Wan asks, reaching up to run his fingers through the ends of Qui-Gon’s long hair.

“Of course. That will keep it out of the way when I trap you in bed and kiss you senseless,” he answers calmly.

Obi-Wan laughs, a joyful sound that shoots warmth through Qui-Gon’s veins.

After they’ve eaten and cleaned up their plates, Obi-Wan tugs Qui-Gon into the bedroom.

“I’d like to meditate with you,” he says.

“You never ask to meditate. What’s going on?” Qui-Gon teases, but folds his legs underneath him easily as they sit on the bed facing one another.

“I want to explore our bond, if that’s all right?” Obi-Wan has gone shy now, as if Qui-Gon would ever deny him anything.

“Of course, my love. It will be good for us to become well acquainted with it,” Qui-Gon says, taking one of Obi-Wan’s hands.

When Obi-Wan slides easily into his mind, it feels as if he is coming home. He pays special attention to their bond, admiring it and sending over waves of affection so Qui-Gon’s skin prickles with a shiver.

He touches at Qui-Gon’s expansive bank of memories, smiling at the ones of their time together. But when he comes across one from Qui-Gon’s time as a Padawan to Dooku, Obi-Wan’s concern and pain is palpable.

He pulls out quickly and carefully.

“I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have—I didn’t—”

“It’s all right,” Qui-Gon soothes him, squeezing his hand. “I’ve made peace with my past. I do not care for my master, but I do not allow him to cast his shadow on my life now. You’re welcome to all of my memories, and I will not refuse if you ask me.”

“Did he ever hurt you?”

Qui-Gon sighs, but his gaze never leaves Obi-Wan’s. “Yes. His methods were uncouth and contemptuous, but there is little I can do to change the past. I have done my best to avoid becoming like him.”

“You’re nothing like him. He was…” Obi-Wan struggles for words. “He’s not worth my vocabulary. You are indescribable compared to him. You are benevolent and warm and kind.”

Obi-Wan climbs into his lap, legs wrapped around his waist and his hands cupping the base of his skull.

“You’re mine.”

The kiss that follows is tender and sweet. Obi-Wan’s mouth is hot and he is talented, pulling out sounds Qui-Gon hasn’t made in decades. Qui-Gon holds onto his waist, the fabric of his tunic soft and nearly threadbare with repeated use. When Obi-Wan bites down lightly on his lower lip, Qui-Gon whimpers. He tightens his fingers, eliciting a nice little sound from Obi-Wan that gets swallowed up by their kiss.

Obi-Wan maneuvers them so Qui-Gon is on his back with the younger Jedi leaning up over him. Qui-Gon slips his hand underneath Obi-Wan’s tunic and touches his warm skin, enjoying the pleased hum that he makes into his mouth. He’s surprised when Obi-Wan pushes his hands under his own tunic, spreading slender fingers out over his ribs. Qui-Gon doesn’t object when Obi-Wan strokes his fingers along his belly and back up to his chest, unable to tamp down on the shudder that ripples through him. Before the start of their relationship, it had been too long to remember since someone had touched him so lovingly and so reverently. But now, he barely goes a day without Obi-Wan kissing and stroking and simply _loving him._

They end up lying on their sides, facing each other, and Obi-Wan has his head pillowed on Qui-Gon’s arm. He looks up at him through his eyelashes, and Qui-Gon is struck by the realization of the beauty of the man in front of him, inside and out. His smile dimples his cheeks and when he laughs, his nose wrinkles slightly. When he is alone with Qui-Gon, his eyes betray his every thought and emotion. His pupils dilate slightly when he looks at him, obscuring part of the unique, stormy blue color Qui-Gon has come to love. But the truly incredible pieces of him are hidden from sight. He gives without ever asking anything in return and he is brave, far braver than Qui-Gon is comfortable admitting.

“You know, I can hear everything you think now,” Obi-Wan says softly.

His cheeks are flushed scarlet and he’s looking away, but he doesn’t fight when Qui-Gon captures his lips in another soft kiss.

“You are exceptional,” he murmurs, sinking his teeth into Obi-Wan’s lower lip.

They spend two hours in bed, kissing and touching and talking. When noon comes around, they decide to go down to the dining hall for their meal.

Qui-Gon has helped Obi-Wan dress before, but now he gets to kiss him and let his touch linger and give his full attention for a whole other reason. He loved Obi-Wan as his Padawan, loved him like a son, and his love for him has simply expanded. He still sees the young boy that struggled and overcame his roadblocks with grace and dignity, but he loves seeing the man he’s become, full of gentle kindness and fierce passion for his life as a Jedi.

Qui-Gon fastens Obi-Wan’s tunic carefully, smoothing it down and using his hips to pull him closer. He kisses him softly on the forehead.

“I love you.”

Obi-Wan smiles up at him, leaning up on his toes to kiss him lightly on the mouth.

“I love you too.”

The dining hall is full and busy so only a few people pay any attention to them, the rest focusing on their meal or rushing off somewhere. Obi-Wan’s closest friend, Bant, quickly jumps up from her seat to greet him. Qui-Gon is delighted to see Obi-Wan’s face light up and feel the _happy-love-affection_ flow between them when he sees her.

“I didn’t know you were back at the Temple,” he says, hugging her tightly.

“I just arrived this morning. Get your food and come sit with me; tell me what you’ve been up to,” she says, and Qui-Gon gets the feeling that he should allow them time alone.

“I’ll make you a plate, Obi-Wan. You and Bant can talk for a moment,” he suggests, and Obi-Wan smiles.

“Thank you,” he says softly, and Qui-Gon moves past them.

He sees the curious look Bant gives Obi-Wan and smiles to himself. When he comes back to the table, Bant is grinning and Obi-Wan is smiling, his cheeks flushed.

“Congratulations, Master Jinn. Obi-Wan told me everything,” Bant says, and he feels his own surge of joy in his chest.

“Thank you, Bant, that’s very kind of you,” Qui-Gon replies.

He allows the two friends their time to catch up, enjoying the inconspicuous way Obi-Wan touches their knees together under the table for the entire conversation.

Obi-Wan takes his hand as they’re walking back to their quarters. Qui-Gon looks over at him and Obi-Wan just smiles, sending a wave of eager adoration across their bond.

When they reach their quarters, Qui-Gon blocks Obi-Wan up against the door once it has closed behind them. He sweeps him up into his arms and Obi-Wan laughs delightedly, wrapping his arms around Qui-Gon’s neck and locking his ankles against his back.

“That’s better,” Qui-Gon rumbles, immediately coaxing Obi-Wan’s lips open with his own.

He shivers when Obi-Wan tangles his fingers in his hair, sweeping it back away from their faces. He focuses on keeping Obi-Wan supported between his body and the door, but Obi-Wan is free to touch as he feels fit. His warm hands cup Qui-Gon’s jaw lightly, thumbs brushing over his cheeks.

“How did I get so lucky?” he says, so quiet Qui-Gon almost misses the words.

He smiles and leaves a soft kiss on the little indention of Obi-Wan’s upper lip.

“I believe I am the lucky one,” he croons.

Obi-Wan’s answering smile is sweet and beautiful and his kiss is the same.

**Author's Note:**

> this story came about because i wasn't really happy with most of the fics being written for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. i wanted something less sexual and more focused on romance and emotion. at first, i was completely turned off by the idea of them in a sexual relationship, but now i've accepted it on my own terms. i'm not completely opposed to writing sex between them at all (there will be a fic posted sometime soon) but it won't be on the level of some of the fics i've read on here.
> 
> also, as a questioning asexual person i wanted something i could relate to.
> 
> thank you for reading!


End file.
